Blonde Ambition

Writer's Block: Your Costume

2008-08-15T04:30:53Z

If you were the sort of cartoon or video game character that always wears a costume, what would you wear? Why?

Oh man this is a great question, if i was a really good drawer i'd create what i really want. Well i'd have to have skin as write as snow. I would love Purple eyes and dark blue black hair with pink little ponytails lol. I would also like to be able to get away with wearing a nice laxtex black purple one piece suit with a nice scotish skirt :D I would love to wear bright red lipstick and have little skull clips in my hair oh and how can i forget i would love to have those knee high boots that make me like 6 foot tall. I would also like to have the ability to be able to talk in them lol.

I would also like to have the power of being able to freeze people lol or making them do things at my bidding XD

Its another Friday ^_^

2008-06-13T02:53:31Z

Hey Ya'll
Its friday, yay its been a quick short week and so much has happened.
My father is coming home for a month today, he is a little worried as he is still in the wheelchair and getting around will be a tad bit different, mum is also a litte worried thinking everthing is not prepared but she has done a good job the place looks great.

I hope it all goes well i'm scared mum might crack but i don't know it will happen she is so strong i wish i had her determindation and strength ******
Sorry its now afternoon and i'm just so over loaded with things to do but its good as it makes the day go faster, even though i'm a little scared to go home, i'm not sure what the whole atmosphere is like.

I'm so not feeling the urge to work at the moment, all i want to do is go home snug in bed and have a few drinks of my good old friend woodstock. :D I know i know i shouldn't be doing that if i'm not feeling 100% but i want to be able to unwind and i cant wait i just hope my father doesn't mind :D
Its going to be strange having him back at home its been like a good 3 months without him at home.

Well i've had enough of reflecting, so peace out and have a wonderful winter weekend.
oh and
HAPPY FRIDAY THE 13TH (MMMWWWWAAAHHHHHHH)

Well What a wonderful life we all lead

2008-06-03T05:37:56Z

Hey There,
Well My weekend was fricken awesome, I got to go and see one of my favourite bands THE DONNA's man they are awesome but they influence me so much lol I love their lyrics and views its awesome. Well it was Kiss Chasey, opps can't remember the other one and the Donna's we saw the first band and then The Donna's, but by then poor Annette was buggered and i was on a full high things were crazy. Well once they were done i was ready to continue partying. I was a little drunk or maybe really drunk i don't know. I got to purchase a Donna's shirt and it made my day cause it fit me ^_^.
I pretty much went across the road to the convenient store went to the loo and put it on ^_^love it and probably will never stop wearing it. lol

Well we got a taxi which dropped a really tiered Annette Hope, Man she also took some really amazing pictures of the concert they are not all completely clear but they are artsy. I adore them... I can't stop looking at them. Brett Anderson, Maya Ford they are fricken awesome my favourites out of the band. Maya's guitar was so awesome or to be accurate her Bass Guitar was awesome. The Strings were hot Pink lol ^_^I adored that.

Well Once we dropped tired Annette home i got home to Bella, Daniel and Aimee in Wiggim lol (Bella's cute car) listening to tunes i was so still on a high from the concert and completely okay not completely but i was tipsy. Bella kindly drove to the bottle o to get more drinks lol YAY. So more woodstock for me ^_^ YAY. We all sat out on the street, with candles it was quiet nice i loved it ^_^ then later on in the night sat in the front yard under that stars man it was fricken cold but it was nice. . Well the night was eventful and the next morning/Mid day Bella & I watched Ginger Snaps i loved it. I hope she had a good time too I just hope i didn't invade the party i pretty much rudely invited myself :( i'm so evil. So sorry guys if i did but i think we all had fun anyway i hope. :D

I don't know who i'm becoming i know i'm changing in some strange ways & discovering things about myself i didn't even know until just now, but please don't worry though guys.... The events of Friday and Saturday & ongoing things i'm just learned something’s about myself unsure if they are good or bad but i know its not like a light switch you can't just turn it on and off and sadly its on. lol
I've written some really poetry that i'm going to have to put in here but sorry guys it will be under private lol ;)

Anyway better bet back to work peace out hope you are all good and i've missed you all ^_^

Heidi-May

Feeling fucken jaded again and again. When is it my fucken turn for pure happiness

2007-12-11T22:33:37Z

Hey Ya'll
well its this time of the year when things are just more and more depressing.
I am really feeling like I’m going crazy..... I am so lonely and want a man in my life but it appears I’m not really their type & if i am i haven't found the one that i am their type.

I am sorry to be so jaded but i'm sick of............ what do you call it? I hate to say this word as i think its immature but okay. CRUSH on guys and they just don't even know i exist.... Okay so my latest he is way out of my ledge and well now he is taken but it is good to see how happy he is with his new found relationship and i think it might actually last as they were friends first before they become lovers.

But its coming to Christmas and New years and i'm going to be again alone and it fucken fucken sux and i don't know why it hurts so much cause i don't know any different so who do i know what its like.... I don’t but i can imagine that it’s sublime.

I am not a really hard person to love am i? I sometimes ask myself that am i really hard to love and i'm a really that repulsive?

I don't know i guess I’ve got it all out now & i shouldn't be in a hurry i guess as that is something not a good idea and I’d like to believe there is someone out there for me and when its time it will come my way.... But will I be sain by that time as it’s taking its sweet F A time.

Well i hope you guys all have a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Love is so fricken addictive

2007-12-11T06:02:32Z

Hey well at the moment its close to end time for me and i'm really looking forward to this friday as its my day off and i'm hoping to get all my family christmas shopping finished i'm not really as physced as i normally am about this christmas for some fricken reason.

I'm over it already and i'm not really sure why?

Writer's Block: You Make Me Feel Like Writing

2007-12-10T06:55:49Z

What inspires you to write?

View 231 Answers

This is everyday emotion that gets me to write. It could be anything from what i can't contain or comprehend and the only way of figuring it out it by writing it out on pen and paper.

I also find that writing it out is a great why of not being judged or even not being told that the topic is getting boring as you can continue to blabber on about the same topic on and on again.

Hey Peps Weekend DONT FORGET TO MAKE YOUR VOTE MATTER!

2007-11-23T05:29:36Z

Hey guys its been a while i know its been a while you haven't missed much i'm not changed or anything.
I have a job working as a receptionist at the Torrens Transit Depot. All the people at the Hendon depot are just so wonderful and special i really like them and i feel lucky to be here. Its soo much better then the Port Adelaide Depot.
I know i've only been there for no more then 2 and a half days but i don't find the people there as friendly.

I am so nervious as i'm working there on monday and i don't have experience with front counter and i'm shit when it comes to money and figures.

Oh well not to think about that till monday.

Well this weekend i'm getting my 3rd tat. I've changed my mind on what i'm getting too its going to be this
> My pendical. I have always found myself to be a magical spritual earthy person & by getting this i've officially said it i guess. I love it and have always wanted to get this as it sort of represents my faith in Wiccian and Mother nature.

Its my Final Week at work

2007-07-04T03:49:02Z

Hey guys,

Well i thought i better post something its been 4 weeks since i have. This might be my last for a really long time so sorry to all and hugs to all as well.

My first Employment is nearly up and i'm really starting to get emotional about the whole ordeal. Its going to be really sad but i'm sure i'll survive and ill acheieve something. Maybe not something i want but something.

I dont' even know what it is i want anymore. I know i don't want to be a cleaner or a Administration Officer anymore.

I've been writing in my hard diary a lot in the last three weeks but electronic it won't be for a while and not often.

I just want everyone to know that i love them and you will forever be in my thoughts wish me luck.

Its been a While Huh?

2007-03-23T02:28:04Z

Hey Guys,

I hope you are all doing well. Me? Shrugs i dont know could be better i guess. I'm having a bit of a downer day. I ended yesterday as one two but anyway from the beginning shall we.

Last weekend, I got to see Annette's Flat Mate Tamara, get her all her hair off. It was great i was so proud of her. She raised over 3 thousand dollars for the
Leukemia Foundation, I was so proud of her i nearly cried. Well the next day we went to Monato Zoo, Bella wanted to shout me for my b'day. It was awesome, I loved it the only problem was i was coming down with something, so i wasn't really with it and easliy irrated by something. Plus my hair was a disaster area.

Well it was awesome though and i got some really nice photo. I am so greatful Bella did that and it was a great bunch to hang out with so HUGS BELLA you rock.

This week has been not so good as ive been sick a lot of the time. I have only had one day of rest the rest i've been at work doing a hell lot of stuff. I'm so sleepy at the moment looking forward for 5 to strick the clock.

Well that is it for now i'll write again a little later or next week

Love you all Please know that is forever true

fairypurplefluf @ 2007-03-09T15:47:00

2007-03-09T05:24:59Z

Hey Guys well its FRIDAY that kicks ass hey. Lol

Last night I went to our local shop and got dinner, it felt really good to be able to give to my parents for once because normally its them that do that for me. We had Chicken and Chips. I got the chicken from Coles and brought some chips from across the road. While I was waiting for the chips I went to Blockbuster and returned some DVD’s and hired some more. I can’t believe what I got. I got Anna Nicole Smith Show Disks one and two; I can’t believe I got that. But I also got, Young Ones season one and two little Britain season three Josie and the pussycats Batman forever for only one reason and yes it was the right one and Bella was right she is only in it for less then five minutes. Annoying. Love her costume though.

Well we didn’t end up having dinner till 7:30PM some time, I felt so bad but I couldn’t do much as I had some work shopping to do as well.

This weekend is going to be really interesting. My Parents are going away some I’m on my lonesum. I have Annette keeping me company tonight. But my folks aren’t leaving till tomorrow morning. So Saturday and Sunday night are going to be so strange.

But I guess in some ways its good, I don't know which ways but i've got DVD's to keep my company and the little devils Spam and Jude. That only want me when they want a walk or when they want what i'm eating. (rolling eyes)

Well I hope you all have a lovely extended weekend i hope i do too ^_^

Hugs

Heidi-May

WOW Things are strange 0_o Not sure for good or worse

2007-03-07T05:12:35Z

Hey Guys,
Hope you are all doing well. I am not going to get to much into this as i have a trillion things i should be doing right now.
Well I just had a work meeting. Appraisal thingy. I am so concerned My moods seem to over take me and i think its about time for me to take hold of them and if i need to have a cow i should just go excuse me i will be right back. Or at least just hold back a few breaths and then carm down and go Yes that i don't mind but you need to place it in my To do list and i'll try and get to ASAP.

Why do i have trouble with that? I wish i knew but i don't. I am so scared that in the next month i'm not going to achieve anything and i'm out on my ass. I will be so scared that will happen what the hell will i do. Of course i'd need to move on and find somewhere else. I would miss all the staff though if they did let me go.

My life doesn't seem to be so bad. I just don't get my emotions its even more scary when i dont really realise i'm doing it 0_o you never know in the next few years i could be locked up for unstable emotions. Who knows.

Well the last two nights have been awesome, i can't help but feel bad for me being so unfit. But Bella man she is a good goer... I watched her play Basketball, and Soccer. Monday was Basketball, Man that was awesome to watch, the indian couch cracked me up... Man he was a clown in a good way.
It was an awesome game and the Late comers (Bella's Team is called) played really hard and were so close to winning.

Tuesday was "Average Joes' Soccer game, Bella let me tag along and her brother and cousin (both their names are) John. lol, I hope that is right lol i always get parinod i'm wrong.
It was a very intense game the team they were playing aginst were really playing hard and they won. But now next week i'm sure they will do a lot better.

^_^

But no that is really much it from me. Just concerned about what was discussed earlier. I hate that people are feeling like that can't approach me as i snap. I hate that its not me. WHY

Its been a while i must say

2007-03-02T04:32:04Z

Hey Guys,

Well its been a while, I guess the last 24 hours have been a mixture of emotions. I am going to mainly talk about the postive.

Thursday night I got to watch some funny shit on Mytube with Bella before the day ended then Annette came around and she got her glasses and to see Bella.
Then we went back to Annettes house.

.<Annette driving to her house (I look a tad shocked)

<Annette getting the Chicken for dinner. She looks like she is going to tell it some really funny secret. lol
< I love this photo of Annette actually even though she is being rude. lol I just like the shot i've done a good job.,... No need to tell me

<Chicken Pamasan... I had never tried it but man it was so fricken awesome same with the mushrooms YUMMY....

After dinner and a few smokes we headed down the road to the local bar where her flat mate Tamara works.
And you won't believe who we bumped into 'Crikey' is his name but man he looks like Steve Iwin. Not totally but he has similarities and i'm telling you he is a laugh.
<This is him with some random girl that came and sat with us, she was funny but i felt for her she was really intoxicated.
Annette kindly offered her a ride her as she had only had one drink at that time.
<Crikey and Annette.. Man what posers i love that ^_^
<OMG love this shot. Me with Crikey.. I have to Say Steve Iwin. I kept calling him that threw the night. lol 0_o
< I actually like this photo even though i look like a dick head. I was laughing cause if you know this amazing girl Annette she was being a little naughty you can tell by her face.

The next day Annette drove me up to the train station i felt so bad. Well once i got there i bumped into an old school friend i was in shock. As i've spoken to her many a times over the phone but haven't seen her in ages.
<Kate and Me. I had to do it. She looked awesome too all the spikes and stuff.

Well that was my night really i'd talk more about what has been happening but i've got to get back to work
Sorry hugs

Hello Everyone ::Waves::

2007-02-12T05:48:58Z

Hey Guys well its been a while its finally working...

Well i hope you are all ready to see some of my wonderful well done photo taken ^___^

This looks oily i know but comeone the colour is amazing and it tasted beyond amazing ^_^.Man my mum looks beautiful in this picture. Green is definetly her colour. She is a earthy woman no doubt about it ^_^
I think Ma was watching that strange movie 0_o
How pretty is this picture. It was a piece of fruit i know your probably thinking woo hoo you can take photo's of fruit. But i love this look... The shading is amazing...
Man i love this picture... I did this one on the bus. Man i love my camara.... ^___^
Has anyone seen green sky before?.... 0_o i know i haven't but i'd love to.....
ME ^____^ i swear guys there is only a few more to go then i'm done... I will probably be posting a lot more photo entries now i've got this wonderful thing ^___^
These are my two RSPCA pets. I have called the Koala 'Blinky' but i don't have a name for the elephant as yet? any suggestions
awwww Dopey i'm so happy i have him.. Its been a dream and there is tigger... They are extremely close... ^___^
AWWW these littles guys.. I love cuddles (hugs Bella) she won him on one of those machines. (she is a master) I also bought the other three. Stitch i found at a brickworks toy stool.. Man i'm a sucker for those. I also brought the Cat with my first Taxation money (he didn't cost me all of it but a lot of it) and my cute pink Hippo. Isn't she adorable. I couldn't help but buy her. I love toys and the stories behind them ^_^
There they all are. Don't they all look happy. I hope you like looking at them i hope not too many of you our there are going GROW UP!!! as that would break my heart....

I love this photo even though there is all that strange light movement. I don't know what the hell happend. It makes me think Night life Partying.. I love it...

Well that is all of it. I guess. There is so much more i could update you on but sadly i am really not in the mood and i'm not feeling the best.

Love ya'll

Heidi-MAy

23, man i'm so scared i'm getting older but mentally no where

2007-02-06T06:12:24Z

Hey Guys,

Well today has been a long day. Strange but true this week i've started working 10:30am to 5pm and its strange and i'm finding it a little longer then normal. Strange huh...

Well yes i'm 23 i turned 23 last Wednesday. It was awesome i guess it felt like a normal day, but my mum tried everything to make it special. She made my favourite meal and i took a photo of it was so fricken yummy. I'm telling you all out there my mum she makes the best crumbed chicken [yes better then KFC] and its healther too you can taste that its not all oily.. I mean its cooked in oil but my mum tries to soak up as much oil and shit once she puts it in the oven to stay warm... I love them.. we had that with vegies.. .^-^
I also got my present (my digital camara) it is fricken awesome i'm still learning how to use it but i've taken some awesome photo's i just need to get recharagable batteries... ^-^ and mum also got me a packet of my favourite smokes ^-^ i took a photo of them too... That was awesome then throught the night we finally got around to watching a movie 'The Little Black Book' it is a really nice story it has a strange ending but i simpley love it.

Well I would like to thank all my friends for there wonderful wishes and once again without you guys i'd be completely lost... Thank you for the love and i hope you know it comes back to you 3x oxoxoxoxo

fairypurplefluf @ 2007-01-29T13:44:00

2007-01-29T03:42:28Z

Hey Everyone,

How was your weekend? Well I hope it was all good. I know that its now back to normal for all School Holidays finished so life is back to normal seeing children on the trains in the morning again YAY not! Lol

Well my weekend was a strange one I had some good moments but it was quite and felt a little lonely and a little crazy like on the verge to talk to myself. I was listening to music a lot more then I have in awhile. I got a few CD’s Payday. I got MCR (My Chemical Romances) The Black Parade. That was thanks to Bella, I have heard it in her car a few times and it sounded so awesome so I ended up buying. I also got to Greatest Albums of many of my favorite artists Cat Stevens and Janis Joplin. I have listened to them all and love them a trillion. I also got Jack Johnson’s album ‘In Between Dreams’ In hoping that the song from Curious George was on it. No luck but it is such a relaxing album feel asleep listening to it on Sunday after coming back from Annette’s. I was terribly lonely and messaged her on Saturday morning as I had the house to myself Saturday and Sunday and I felt like I couldn’t really be on my own… I was scared I guess as being on your own when you are feeling terribly down isn’t the best for anyone. So I messaged her and she was working so she suggested picking me up later in the night so I can stay over there house due to some pretty scary stuff that happened the previous nights. I was glad to see someone. It was awesome so I hanged out with Annette and Tamara and they were completely exhausted which was a relief as I was also really tired as the previous night I stayed up till 6:30Am Saturday and fell asleep and got awoken at about 9:30am and didn’t go back to sleep so I was pretty zombied out.

I don’t actually know what was wrong with me or what is wrong with me I guess I’m just starting to feel lonely and I know that is my own fault. I need to get my self a social life but I love to waste my money on items like DVD’s and CD’s. OMG I was talking to my Older Brother on Sunday and he might be in luck to get me one of my all time favourite movies that I’ve been trying to get for years ‘The Boy Who Could Fly’ man that is exciting as its been years since I’ve seen it. J I’m extremely excited about that. But I’m starting to think that maybe I’m in my own little world and by collecting and watching DVD’s all the time that is my escape from life? I don’t know if that makes sense.

But I know I watch too many movies and that is pretty much my life but I can’t find anyone by doing that. ^-^

Well how everyone was’s Australian Day? Well mine was pretty quite I just reorganized the family computer & loaded my new CD’s on the computer sad hey.

We are planning on getting the internet soon mum just wants to look into and get the best plan she can but she doesn’t really know what she is looking for. I don’t really either but she is going to ask my cousin who is a computer wize its one of his many hobbies.

Well this week is a strange one and I feel a big ball of something in the pit of my stomach I get like that every time my birthday comes around, why? I wish I knew its like I dread it?

Monday staff where I work are going out after work to have a farewell for our Manager who is going up to QLD with a new position. I have to admit even though I’m going to see her every month I’m still going to miss her. Sad I know but she is so wonderful and I’ve known her for three years and she has been nothing but nice to me. It is making me feel a little sad. I have a feeling I’m going to have to say a speech tomorrow to her.

Well I hope all had a wonderful weekend and I hope your weeks are starting off good too. Oxoxoxox

Heidi-May

Hello Ya'll

2007-01-25T01:41:45Z

Hello All,

How are you all? Nods Nods "Yep Yep" Oh me I don't know do you really want to know how i'm feeling?

Well at the moment id say i'm alright i mean i'm feeling good for its thursday and its pay week and well its Australia Day tomorrow. I get a day off work to work on my Aussiness. I'll get some Stubbies and my flip flops (here we call them thongs) lol.

I haven't really got much planed i want to make mum watch 'Curious George' and probably that is it. I am hoping she'll watch it with me tonight some time as i can stay up as late as i want due to not having to get up any time particular Friday. ^-^

Well work has been okay its not been too busy (this scares me) i've been finding things to keep me busy things that need cleaning up or fixing. If that makes sense. But i'm scared as i know soon enough it will be crazy again and i want to handle it in the most professional way possible. I know the last few months of 2006 i was a mess and it showed really bad. I hate my moods they are crazy i feel a little more in control at the moment but i hope it last longer then i'm scared its going to just crack within minutes of pressure. How weak is that.

I am hoping the Live Journal Cuts have worked but i've got two picture on here for you to look at i'm hoping i haven't posted them already if i have I apoligies.

Nothing else has really been happening in my life its been quite. I hope you all are doing well and have a wonderful Day Tomorrow be as Aussie as you can as its a day to celebrate it.

oxoxoxoxoxo

Heidi-May

This thing sux

2006-12-01T06:00:24Z

Okay everyone i'm a tad pissed off..
I tried posting a whole entry and it did the refresh crap... AHHHHH..
So here is just the main thing i want people to see and laugh at.....

Type your cut contents here.I hope this makes you smile... I think he had one too many sugars in his coffee.. lol Tony Abbott and the Proud John Howard... lol

Kisses to all

I can't wait for this crazy month to be over... December... Man

Hugs

Heidi-May

fairypurplefluf @ 2006-11-30T13:19:00

2006-11-30T04:19:06Z

Womby.. What can i say i got paid today and i was late so i had to get him while i was stressing out.. He is the one who kept me sain when i volunteered at the Charity Card shop one time. So now i get to take him home.. His been very helpful at work.. ^-^

To Previous Blog_I hope it all makes sense

2006-11-23T23:23:35Z

To all I wrote this last night for today. I put a lot of though into it i'm sorry if its a little streched out. I just hope it makes the point that i want to put across.. :

Hey To all

Okay now those who read what I wrote yesterday I would like to officially say I'm terribly sorry now before you say "Heidi you don't need to be sorry" I do and those who don't then you are dame straight right.

I made you guys feel like I didn't appreciate you and man I do…. I am sort of glad I wrote what I did yesterday now before you go WHAT THE!!!!???? Please read on.. If I hadn't wrote what I did yesterday I won't of had two people come to me with there wonderful words of lovingness. I am so sorry I did make you feel that all your love and affections towards me didn't effect me in anyway and make me appreciate it as it has. I guess me writing that yesterday was stupid and I know that but the feedback I got made me step back and go what was I thinking…

I guess we all have those voices you know the negative who are saying "You don't deserve anything, and you are never going to be understood and no one really likes you. They are ashamed of you"… and then the positive… I guess for me the negative just seems to be louder and last night I really realized how stupid it was to believe that negative voice in my head….

I have to mention these two people as they are the two ones that mean the most to me at heart and I can now say they are my SISTERS… and I'm not just saying that to make you feel better but after all those things you both said last night it reinforced me…

Danae, this girl is so great and I know she is a sister to me I've known her for so long and the first moment I meet her I know I would get along with her. It was strange but I found her funny and her humor was so similar to mine. That was back in (thinking deeply) around 1998 or 1999… And well there were a few spits but all friendships like that happen when you are in high school. But once we left there we stuck and we got along. Yes she lives not close to me but so fucken what I know if I need to talk to someone I can call her and talk to her about what ever I dame want to and she will listen and I have to admit here as I'm thinking about how much she (you) mean to me I'm getting tears in my eyes. I want you to know I admire you and I would be honored to be a blood sister of yours… But I think a SISTERLY friend is just as good ^-^So I am really sorry Danae for making you feel that way I completely understand I know if you'd wrote the shit I wrote I would of said something the same. Hugs….

Now Helen (aka Bella) man what can I say about you YES you are a SISTER to me… I'm sorry I don't show it so much. I am happy you messaged me and came over and visited you last night and I'm so glad you wrote me that comment.. It was well written and you have done so much for me in the past two years and I really do appreciate it more then you ever especially after reading that e-mail. You have done a lot for me and I am so grateful and please don't ever feel like what you're doing isn't making an impact as it is. I just hope I can do the same back for you as I am also HERE ALWAYS….. I know you have been hurt before in the SISTERLY like Friendships and I would like to let you know that you don't have to worry about that happening with you and me as I won't hurt you… I know that for a fact as you are so important to me. I respect you and I do take you seriously (you know what I mean) and if you ever need to confide in someone I'm here XXX I've known you well since year 8 which I'm thinking was either 1997 or 1998 I can't remember I'm too old. But I have to tell you I automatically thought you were cool and totally funny. I know once I got to know I liked you. I thought you were a soft, kind, person who respected and loved your friends around her and when we were friends I and am now grateful to have you here.

I hope this makes sense I 'm sure it does.

Another thing I really adore about you both is that your ongoing kindness I've never once in my whole time of knowing you have seen you do anything unkind to anyone. ^-^ and I'm sorry I did write that and hurt you as it wasn't something I wanted to do or proud of either. Hugs

Now those two mates or as I've been saying a lot SISTERLY friends a have to say I love the most Yes I said LOVE… lol If I could have them as my blood sisters I would I'm telling you… You two keep my sane… well as sane as I can be…. ^-^

I am sure there are others out there that might have found my blog a little blunt and incorrect. I am probably going to read it back in the next few months, years and go OMG what were you thinking. What I'm I saying I'm thinking that already. Lol. I am stupid. I guess the thing is as all of us I've been damaged by a strong friendship that was so strong. The worst is getting used or the person grows away from you.

Cian was my best friend and I guess she meant more to me then I ever did to her. As there is still something in side me that feels like that 14 year old girl crying in my bed at the wall because her best friend was moving away from her, to Burra. She is now in Victoria and with a serious boyfriend and I barely hear from her and it hurts.

I know she isn't really my best friend anymore. I know I hold a special place in her heart (or I hope so) but I can't help but feel that it isn't the case. I guess I'm too needy and as I know I over think things…

But Needy is my biggest probably I'm an affectionate person and needy… lol what can you do sue me…

But no everyone I'm sorry and I would like to thank Bella and Danae for being honest with me and letting me know how they feel. I also want to say it is fine that you told me how what I wrote effected you as I need to know that and I always encourage you to open up to me and I guess you did ^-^ What you both said has made me step back and the positive voice in me go "See Heidi you Silly girl you have two SISTERLY friends who love you!" I'm a silly Billy. I know and I'm forever sorry. I don't know what compelled me to write those words yesterday.

Once again I love you all and I'm terribly sorry….

Hugs forever and ever….

If you have any comments please post them and let me know okies ^-^

Heidi-May

My Apoligies to this entry_ but its how i'm truely feeling at the moment.....

2006-11-23T00:21:51Z

Okay i suggest no one reads this as it is probably going to be just me baggering on....

Well i know its not good to idmitt but i'm actually feeling sorry for myself lately. I feel like i'm not much of a person. I feel as if i don't really have a close friend in the world. I mean i have friends around me that i love but none that i can say is like the person i could call a sister. If that makes any sense at all. I am starting to feel like i'm losing everyone around me and myself. I hope that makes sense. I don't know who i am anymore and i am starting to not care.

Things at home are getting intense the more christmas gets near things are getting weirder. I understand my Fathers weird moods as he did lose his mother in this month and i guess he is dealing in his own way. But i wish he'd talk to someone. He doesn't even talk to mum about it. Instade he is distancing him self from us... Who knows why i guess his way of dealing... It is strange cause there are moments in the days i remeber little things about her and good and the ugly.

I don't know i wish these two months (November and December) I could lock myself away from everything as i'm highly Sensitive and i'm just not feeling like my self i guess i'm not i feel i'm turning into a quite loner. I guess it can't all be bad really. I guess its good to have your own company.

Anyway i am once again sorry about this attutide, I also would like to say that i hope Bella is doing okay as yesterday she got her wisdom tooth taken out and i haven't had it done but i could imagin it really would be painful. Take care sweet pea. XXXX

Well this week besides my emotional head fucks i feel work is going great i'm really working hard and getting a whole heap of shit done. ^-^

Kisses

Heidi-May

P.s/ Once again i'm sorry who ever reads this I do love you all i'm just trying to deal with it all.

HEY Summer is here, who wants it to piss off?

2006-11-21T02:12:00Z

Hey Guys,
Well its tuesday and well its been an interesting two days of the new week.
I Got another journal last week and i'm really proud of this one... I am going to write everything i can in this one and i'm going to be the most honest i can. I love it i am going to have to look after it and continue writing in it. So i'm sorry if i lack here and on My space as i'm better off writting in there most of the time.

Well this week is going to be a fill one. I mean i've got about 1.50 to my name but i've got a thing at Karen and Annettes on Saturday and Sunday i'm going to see the Wonderful Kelly Perform. I've never seen her sing or perform before so i'm sure it will be a lovely experience i just hope the weather is nice.

At the moment the thunder has just kicked in and its getting really intense... ^-^ totally loving it.
That is the cover of my Diary i reckon it is one of the best i've done so far. Now if you notice you are on it please don't get offended all the things i've glued on here are the things that keep me going through these tough times and all the shit that keeps coming my way.

All the people on there make me smile and laugh.. Love you

Well i better get back to my work and take care.

oxoxoxo
Heidi-may

p.s ITS RAINING ^_^ YAY

fairypurplefluf @ 2006-11-15T12:12:00

2006-11-15T03:12:00Z

Hey People,

I’ve had a freaky dream last night. I dreamed that my old best friend Cian, her sister died and for some reason I got to keep her son.. strange and raise him as my own.. It was strange as he is no longer the age I dreamed he was. In the dream he was back to his 4 year old self as I last saw him. He is now 10 probably older. Its hard to explain but I remember little events like when he was acting out as he didn’t understand where his mother was and why he was forever with Aunty Heidi. It was strange there was the one moment he came up to me and he was like “Where is my mum” and I’m getting him ready for bed crying myself and I was telling him about heaven and he was like “My MUM ISN’T DEAD, so she isn’t there!” and he gave me this evil look as if to say if you say she is dead or in heaven again I’ll kill you….

Well then I remember he is all grown up and something happen I don’t know but I’m older of course and he is like in his late 20’s or 30’s and he was like “Aunty Heidi you are the most loving person I know and you took great care of me” And then I told him a story a story of when he was little and it was sort of a teary moment. I am trying to remember but it was like I was going through a stage of I could of done better for him and him saying those words… I had to text Cian this morning asking her if everything was okay. It was just so random. And I’m not on medication so it was really strange the way that dream just came about.

Well hope you are all and take care.

Kisses

Had to share that dream with you all

Its that time of the day ^-^

2006-11-10T03:02:43Z

Hey Everyone,Well today is friday and i was hoping it would be a fast day... But its all the oppisite.. Its going sooo fricken slow its not funny... Well nothing much has happened to me this week, Its been really quite and its been good as its been a great time of reflect and i think its something i need. The family has been pretty good considering certian situations. I think we're ignoring it i think. I don't know i 'm so scared to mention anything. But besides that its all good really (i know this doesn't make sense but lol)
Well Tonight i have a work function thing i'm going to with Kerry, our Public Fundraising Team Leader (such a sweet lady) and well its for Morage choice. Its going to be interesting but i don't think there is going to be much there for me to look at but i guess its an adventure. Life without them is sort of boring.
Anyway take care all and sorry i didn't catch up on everything probably.
Kisses and love you all.
Heidi-May

Friday FEVER BABY

2006-11-03T01:39:12Z

Hey Everyone!,

How are you all doing? Its been awhile I know. Well last night my brother called my mother up and he was drunk and I’d say feeling sorry for him self. I felt bad as all I could do was sort of laugh. I know that sounds heartless but seriously it was a fake cry and he just wanted to make himself feel better. I mean he needs to grow up take some responsibility but i don't think he will be doing that any time soon. He said that he is planning on going to Perth to get away from the atomosphere he is in at the moment. I hope he does but i think it was the drink talking. He needs to get into action to get something like that happening. It wont just come to him. Well he starting talking about how when he isn't drinking he wants to strangle people till they can't breath and i'm like well that is a problem Fab's. He also said how when he isn't on anything he hears people's thoughts and he can see what they are thinking through there eyes. It was emotional i'd admitt i there were times i was like man what is going on come on get some help you need to get your life on track... But the last time it was on track he was 12 probably. I just wish he would want to grow up and know he survived but i don't think he wants to. It is a challenge for him and i guess its more of a challenge for us as we love him he is blood but it is hard not to just give up cause it takes up so much emotion and enegy out of us.

I don't want to talk about that any more

So this week well I got a DVD called a Date with Drew it was lovely it is a doco and it is about this guy who has liked drew since he was little and he won $1100 in a game show on a question that was in fact about Drew Barrymore. So he got a Video Cam he had to return in 30 days. Well the doco is about them trying to get it and well you'll see if you watch it what happends it does.
But not the way he was hoping it was so lovely once they meet up it was like too Best Friends or soul mates sort of but not in a romantic way.
I loved it.. They got along so well.

I am sorry there is so much more i want to say and well i don't have time. So look on My Myspace for more information.

Kisses and love you lots

Heidi-May ^-^

fairypurplefluf @ 2006-10-27T10:54:00

2006-10-27T01:25:41Z

Hey Guys and Girls,

Love to you all. Well yesterday i was volunteering at 'The Charity Card Shop' it was an interesting experience. I started at 1pm and well all i pretty much did was sit at a ticket stand selling tickets. It gave me time to talk to myself and sort of relax it was a wonderful change... I even got to know another side of me. I was sitting next to a stall of toys and found a wombat puppet and well i got him all alive. I put him on and well we just got along. I know i know they aren't really people but man it was so fun to talk to him... Its not like i had an one else to talk to while i was sitting out the front.. His name was Womby i want to go there and buy him now once i get paid... ^-^ he was so cute.. He kept wanting to take a ticket... I told him he can't and that he needed money. So he'd go to the money tin i'd go "No you cant take money out there to buy no cause its not your money"... hee hee it was so cute. I would get him to wave to people in some cases it made people actually come up and buy a ticket. I sold 3 books of 10 tickets i don't think that is too bad. But man 4 hours went by so slow. They let me go at 4pm... so i guess its at work all day today. I have to say and i'm sorry for swearing but i Fucken hate friday cleaning day HOOORRRAAYYYYY!!!!

Hugs to you all and loves of love...

Heidi-May